The dawn of toxic positivity
A Glass Half-Full of Negativity
It’s an oxymoron, right?! By definition, yes but it does evoke the question, “how can something positive simultaneously be negative?”.
There is an alarming mindset escalating in modern-day society. It is the concept where we want to, feel pressured or believe we must ‘be positive’ all the time. Social media memes, podcasts, influencers and life “gurus” fuel a pseudo mantra of “everything is awesome” or “look on the bright side”. This fabricated alternate contentment is insidiously impacting our fundamental happiness—this is Toxic Positivity.
This increasingly common concept disregards the more painful emotions organic to life’s challenges and slowly, it’s contributing to the escalation of toxic positivity as the new norm—we’ll get to that shortly.
By forcing ourselves to ‘be positive’ or find the silver lining in a negative situation we’re burying the true emotion. Sadness, disappointment, grief, shame, guilt, loneliness and despair are all completely “normal” emotions to feel, they all contribute to what it is to be human. These feelings are felt for a reason and the importance of addressing those reasons, whatever they may be, can’t be stressed enough. They ideally should be processed.
Eventually, denying the perceived, ‘less than positive’ emotion can possibly lead to chronic stress, depression and anxiety, ignore or brush over these emotions enough and this is almost a certainty.
Our Instagram life gurus and blissful meme generators are unwittingly guiding many of us down a progressively normal path of present-day “burnout”.
The friends, acquaintances and work colleagues who profess the all-knowing secret to happiness and joy are doing more harm than good, not only to themselves, but also those around them.
“The expectation that you can be happy by changing your state of mind through positive thinking alone, is a complete fallacy.”
Signs of toxic positivity behaviour
Signs range in degrees of subtly and will vary across men and women (more on this to come). If you notice any of these symptoms in those around you—or yourself—it’s time to reach out.
True feelings are brushed off or hidden behind light-hearted remarks like: It’s all good, that’s life, it’ll work out, good vibes only, she’ll/he’ll be right, fake smiles or failure is not an option.
On social media, upbeat or feel-good posts and quotes are used to hide behind.
Disguising feelings of guilt, anger, rejection, sadness etc., by deflecting conversations to ‘positive’ topics or placing the attention onto the other.
Telling people that life is amazing and you’re feeling wonderful to avoid the truth.
Reprimanding or shaming others for not adopting a positive attitude or outlook.
Pretending to be strong and resilient on the surface, but underneath, your life is falling apart.
The expectation that you can be happy by changing your state of mind through positive thinking alone, is a complete fallacy. While the positive thinking mindset is on-trend—and to some degree has its place—it’s damaging if it rejects the deemed ‘negative’ life experiences.
Three damaging effects of toxic positivity
1. Suppressing emotions causes bigger problems: Feeling happy or being positive 24/7 is impossible and unnatural. Our emotions are there to be felt, and it’s through feeling them in their totality that we have the power to overcome the challenge we’re experiencing. Emotions guide us. They’re powerful indicators of being aligned or misaligned. Without feeling emotions, we stunt personal growth and miss the opportunity to gain deeper insights into our individual psyche.
2. Invalidates our emotions and life experience: Toxic positivity basically says that if you can’t pull yourself together or find a way to feel positive despite loss, illness, injury, or heartache of sorts—you’re doing something wrong. This idea tricks people into believing they are the problem. Once guilt and shame take over, individuals fail to reach out to loved ones or friends because they’re afraid of being judged based on the perception that those around them live their best lives.
3. Human connection suffers: If we’re not authentically expressing our emotions and dealing with the complex parts of life, the relationships we’re having are not genuine. Presenting only one version of ourselves is detrimental to wellbeing. We’ve witnessed through the recent changes of the world how crucial human connection is to everyday living. To foster real relationships with those around us, we need to support one another, and normalise feelings no matter what they are.
If our culture doesn't shift how we approach this behaviour, we'll continue to see an increase in chronic stress, fatigue, mental health, and a severe decline in wellbeing, all major warning signs of burnout.
Stay tuned for the next blog in the Burnout Series, where we’ll look at the signs of burnout—which will equip you to spot in yourself and others, before it takes over.
About Dr Kim Granland
Dr Kim is the secret weapon bankers, traders, CEOs and other professionals call in to find their A-game. She is a leading Australian and internationally renowned Peak Performance Psychologist, her expertise underpinned by an impressive 20-year coaching career with clients in London, Paris, New York, Singapore, Sydney and Tokyo.
To connect with Dr Kim, visit: https://drkimgranland.com
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